Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just puked most of my soul out..
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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