How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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