3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
