check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
