Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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