if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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