this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
