omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
