we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
