I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
