i just wanna soil my oats bro
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
