would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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