I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
