I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
