Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
