I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
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69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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