that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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