My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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