We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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