Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
