What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
