Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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