There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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