maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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