I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
