This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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