weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
