She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
