I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Randomize
