i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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