i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
