I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
i think my cat just said my name.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
