Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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