My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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