Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize