My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
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how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
and you fell through a lawn chair
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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