Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
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