btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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