Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
