did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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