I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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