I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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