just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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