Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
