my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Green mimosas i think yes
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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