there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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