4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
