At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
