My pussy is not your playground.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
That accounts for only three of the penises
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Randomize
