WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
