I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
