JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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