wat bout pragnant strippers??
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
