they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
