Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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