I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
