I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
