man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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