Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
sex in a hospital.. check
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
