Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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