last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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