I don't usually arrange sex via text message
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
