i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
