well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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