i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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