there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
