I bet he comes in French.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
