I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I need to calm my uterus...
Couch. On fire.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
