At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
