I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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