you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
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