I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
