plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
