I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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