I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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