Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
