she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Randomize
