Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
