Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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