We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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