you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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