i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
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I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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