wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
